Saturday Laughs

Red Neck Love Poem

Susie Lee done fell in love,
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all,
She told her pappy so.
Pappy told her, Susie gal, You’ll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo’ ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half brother.
So Susie put aside her Joe and planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, 'There’s trouble still.'
You can’t marry Will, my gal,
And please don’t tell yo’ mother.
But Will and Joe, and several mo'
I know is yo’ half brother.
But Mama knew and said, My child, just do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe,
You ain't no kin to Pappy.

My Poor Coccyx

This is your coccyx:

Many of you may know this under the more common name of tail bone. And anyone that has fallen on their tail bone knows what a painful little booger it can be.

I am almost over my coccyx injury which occurred while teaching Jack to roller skate. To all parents on roller skates who are holding a child's hand while they are roller skating and continue to fall and fall and fall: It is almost impossible for them not to knock your skates out from under you when they fall. And when you fall, be sure that, at all costs, you do not land your coccyx on their upturned skate.

Jack wants to get back to the roller rink and practice some more. He said that skating was one of the best days of his life. Except for the fact that he almost broke my butt. He is very sorry about that. I told him he did break it. He cracked it right down the middle. He hasn't yet caught on to my joke. He does, however, love the little inflatable donut that I get to sit on until I'm better.

So tell me - Have you ever hurt your coccyx?

I Overheard a Conversation...

...between John and Luke. It was too good not to share.

John: I had a dream last night that I had a whole bunch of hair on my head.

Luke: So you were, like, handsome?

John: That's hard core.


*Based on the comments, I think I need to clarify that John is my husband and Luke is my 5 year old. John shaves his head. My sons do not.

Saturday Laughs

A new teacher was trying to make use of her Psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Experience Builders

I've heard many people say that they didn't think they were ready for kids so they were going to get a dog first to practice with. I used to think this was a little crazy. How could getting a dog possibly prepare you for having children? Then I got a puppy. And now I know.

So, I would recommend this to anyone thinking of getting a puppy: Have children first to help you get the experience you need to raise a puppy. You will learn these valuable lessons:

If you don't want them to eat it, keep it out of reach because they put everything in their mouths.

Be prepared for little sleep as they wake up several times in the night to go to the bathroom.

It takes a lot of time, patience and loads of laundry before they are potty trained.

Buy a state of the art camera and video recorder as you will want to document every milestone, no matter how teeny tiny.

(first bath)


Save your money on expensive toys and treats - they will just want to play with the packaging.

When they do something wrong, they will quickly learn how to give you "The Look" and they will be much too cute for you to discipline.

When they are napping, you will do everything in your power not to disturb them including putting signs on your doors to avoid visitors and silencing your telephones.

Although you will not want to disturb them when they are sleeping, you will find that they are never so cute and cuddly as when they are tired.




You will think that they are the smartest one in the class and most likely intelligent on a genius level.

You will wonder how you ever survived this long without them.

Not the Target Demographic

John and I went to see Tropic Thunder. It was crude and cringe-inducing and disgusting at times and hilarious and just my type of movie.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the target demographic for the movie. But I am a marketer's dream compared to the two elderly women that were in the theater. John and I saw these women walk in and couldn't believe they were in the right theater. The young one was at least 75 years old. Did they think this was a real movie about the Vietnam war? They were in for an extremely rude awakening.

The movie gets started by showing fake commercials and fake movie trailers to introduce you to the characters in the movie. Booty Sweat anyone? Jack Black's character is shown in a trailer for his movie The Fatties Fart 2. Jack Black's character plays a family of fat people that sit around and do nothing but eat and fart. Obviously a joke. Well, maybe not so obvious. After the fake trailer was over and in the silence before the next fake trailer cued up, one of the elderly ladies said, "Who in their right mind would pay money to see that?"

Everyone within ear shot lost it. Her statement confirmed that she was indeed in the wrong place. I kept waiting for them to leave, but they never did. I wanted to follow them out after the movie was over to hear what they thought of it, but I couldn't leave during the credits because seeing Tom Cruise dressed as he was and dancing was too funny to miss.

In answer to her question about who would pay money to see that, I wonder if she ever realized that she would and she did.