Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Lessons Learned in the Weeds

  1. Next time I hear hissing while working in the yard, step away from the rake and pruners and replace with a book and glass of wine.

  2. Don't go in the house and ask my husband to come out and investigate the suspected snake that would be the source of the hissing unless I want my yard work to be subjected to unsolicited critiquing.

  3. When husband asks, "What are you expecting me to do?" don't get all huffy and mumble that you don't know why you asked him to come out here in the first place and tell him just to go back in the house. Rather, explain to him how it is every girl's fantasy for her prince to come to her rescue and slay the dragon - even a woman like me who is fiercely independent and unromantic to a fault.

  4. When further investigation with a rake does not produce the suspected snake, do not believe yourself when you convince yourself that you are crazy.

  5. Large, fuzzy mushroom and small, sick bat partially buried by leaves look surprisingly similar, especially since small, sick bat looks like fuzzy lump with wings and teeth but no head or eyes.

  6. Small, sick bat hisses like snake when disturbed by a woman doing yard work.

  7. Children think that small, sick bat is enormously adorable and want to keep it as a pet, quashing any thoughts of putting poor small, sick bat out of its misery.

  8. Former rule of avoiding all yard work in overgrown areas that may contain spiders of any size; poison ivy; snakes; rabid raccoons; and small, sick, hissing, no headed, no eyed, toothed bats shaped liked mushrooms shall be reinstated immediately.


Texasholly said...

Holy batmobile...that is crazy. I agree with your rule. I also think that your hubby might consider taking dragon-slaying lessons.

Anonymous said...

My question is whether hubby reminded you that the overgrown weeds were only there because of your delay in tending to the situation in the first place. (read:garden procrastination) Because that's the joking I would have gotten, right after he teased me about the bat/snake/spider that I complained about.

Good laugh, thanks.

Joeprah said...

IF my wife did yard work I would so protect her from all creepy crawlys. Sadly, I do all yard work. Yep, all of it. I don't mind snakes, but sick bats...yuck.

Tempered Woman said...

ack! bat! kill it! kill IT!
sorry, knee jerk reaction ;-)
Feel free to come on over to my house for cupcake and glass of wine. We can garden procrastinate together. Men, bah!

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

I think I would have preferred a snake. Sadly, these days I do all house and yard work. Such is my lot in life. My yard nemesis of late - cute little chipmunks that bury the neighbors corn and birdseed in my mulch and beds created unwanted nasty looking growth all season long. I hate those little buggers.


Unknown said...

Hire a gardener! :)

MP said...

yard work is man's work...

cupcakes..books...glasses of wine..yelling at husband doing yard work and yelling at kids to play with an inside voice..THAT is a woman's job

Kathy said...

I can honestly say I've never encountered a bat while in the yard. But then again, I don't do yard work! My dad caught a mole in the yard this morning though. Boy was that thing ugly! I'm sure the bat was ugly too, poor thing.

Tara R. said...

wow... and I was worried about Veg-a-matic-ing a couple of frogs while mowing the lawn. Bats... eewww.

Damama T said...

PLEEEEEASE tell me you didn't pick that bat up? I am probably the world's softest heart when it comes to wounded critters. I use to pick anything up and take it to a rehabber. (witness the lengthy misadventures of The Squirrel's Tale) That was before the recent onslaught of rabid bat stories in the news. Now if I find one down I just let nature take care of the poor thing's contribution to the circle of life.

Other than that... ROFL! You even make yard work funny!