Thursday, September 10, 2009

A New Age of Gross-ness

When I was a kid, there wasn't much that wouldn't gross me out. In elementary school, I was always the follow-up puker. You know the one - the one that would get sick simply because they saw or heard or smelled the vomit of someone else. I also gagged at the sight of boogers, snot, poop, and almost anything else you can think of that is the crux of being a parent.

This gross-out reflex didn't stop at adulthood. One summer when I was home from college, I spent a week babysitting my cousin Clayton, who, unfortunately for him, had to wait patiently whenever he had a poopy diaper while I left the room three or four times to gag and gain composure before I could finish the job. Each time I stepped out of the room, I'd say, "Just a minute Clayton. It's o.k. I'll be right back." And when I stepped back into the room, he had of course moved just enough on the diaper to smush the poop around causing me to gag even more.

Once I had my own kids, I outgrew my gag condition fairly quickly. What choice did I have? Everyone said I would but I didn't believe them. They were right, though, and I have managed to gain control over the gag reflex. Not that my boys don't try to gross me out. I have been assaulted with burping, farting, booger wiping, snot stains, chewed up food spitting, dirty underwear, urine in odd places, poop up the back, and projectile vomiting.

But with all of the training, all of the building up of defenses, nothing quite prepared me for this:

or this

I now have to deal with this spitty mouth guard that oozes drool that gets placed on surfaces only known by Luke and then put back in his mouth and has to be sterilized and I find it all over the house covered in gunk and it is just disgusting.

I also have to deal with this *ahem* cup that Jack loves dancing around in with his sliding pants on like a baseball stripper down to his last garment but that I find sitting on things like the kitchen table and who wants to see a cup sitting on the eating surface whether or not it actually has come into contact with his goods and pieces?

I knew sports would be dangerous and competitive, but I had no idea they would add this new level of gross-ness to our house.


Susan said...

Hahahahaha. The first time Jack wore his cup for karate, he came home, pulled it off and set it on the kitchen table. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW. So gross. I SO feel your pain!

MamaOtwins+1 said...

I'm so glad I don't have your reflex, I'd be ruined in the house we live in. I've decided our boys must be grosser than others, but luckily we only have mouth guards and haven't made it to cups yet.

Beth Cotell said...

My son just got a cup for baseball and it cracks me up! He loves to dance around in it too! Kids are strange....

Unknown said...

Hee Hee!! I am giggling uncontrollably over here!!!!

Kathy said...

That is really funny. My son is "nice" enough to leave it lying in random spots in his room, but at least not on the kitchen table. As far as the reflex thing, I'm still the followup puker after two kids, it never did go away!