One to Grow On

I read somewhere awhile back that you can get a good idea how tall your kids will be through this method: Average the height of the parents and then add 4" for a boy or subtract 4" for a girl. That would put my boys at about 5'10" once fully grown.

Let me just say that 5'10" is not good enough for my boys. They want to be the biggest and strongest in the room and look forward to the day when they are taller than John. They stretch their bodies, stand on things, make us squat down - anything to make themselves appear taller than they actually are.

They stand on the scale often to see if they are gaining weight. Luke especially enjoys this, and will climb on the scale and ask me, "How old am I?" When I remind him that a scale tells weight, not age, he says, "Oh yeah. How big am I?" The number I tell him means nothing to him. He just wants to hear that it is higher than the last time and will often advance the zero point on the scale by 20 pounds to appear even bigger.

The only time Luke wishes he could stay small is when he's hiding. Growing, he says, will ruin the game of hide-and-seek because he won't be able to fit into the tiniest places. I don't tell him that one day he won't want to play hide-and-seek so being bigger won't make a difference. He wouldn't believe that there would ever be a time when he didn't feel like playing that game. But I know that time will come. I also know he'll find the magic in the game again once he has kids of his own.

If my boys could, they would rush the growing process as quickly as possible. Thankfully, God has wisdom enough to not let this occur. And even though I look forward to each and every upcoming milestone, their eagerness to grow reminds me to encourage them to slow down and not rush things. It is important for all of us to live in the moment and not under appreciate what is happening in our lives right at this very moment.

At their recent pediatrician visit, the doctor said that at their current growth rate Jack will be taller than John and Luke will be the same height as John. They were ecstatic at this news. But, my boys will realize soon enough that growing bodies mean growing responsibilities. But for now, I'll try to help them savor childhood while they can still hide in the smallest of spaces.

The Great Outdoors Revisited

You may remember from this post that I'm not that big a fan of camping. Well, my avoidance tactics finally ran out and the boys and I went camping and floating with John's family. And how did this trip compare to the last one?

1. There was no rain on this trip. How could it rain when the temperature is 98 degrees? Any brave rain drop that tried to reach the earth would have been rewarded by being vaporized upon exit from its cushy cloud. Instead of rain, we had 99.999% humidity and a mist every morning that dripped onto everything keeping it perpetually wet.

2. The men did not sit around attempting to burn unburnable things in the fire. It was too hot for that. They did burn one thing, however. A large copperhead visited our camp. It was cut in half with a shovel. Apparently, no one ever taught this snake that being cut in half kills you. Because this snake's head-half continued to make its way toward our tents and chairs. How do you vanquish an evil, immortal snake? Burn it of course. Even the fire was unable to consume all of this snake.

3. There was no bug from the underworld in the shower house. There were spiders that were awakened upon hearing the running water of early morning showerers. They used their webs to repel from the ceiling with my head as their targeted landing spot. I had to use my towel like a whip and periodically send spiders flying as I quickly tried to clean myself. There was also a very, very large black spider guarding the door to the shower house. Of course, since I couldn't see this from outside the shower house, I only was alerted to his presence after making it into the shower house. It's amazing I worked up the courage to exit through that door after finding him there.

4. We had no car trouble. In fact, our car was an oasis, offering occasional air-conditioned breaks when needed and phone service through our On-Star system.

All in all, I have to admit it was a great trip. The best part was the float, which offered a crystal clear, very cool and refreshing respite from the heat. We took frequent stops along sand bars and floated down the rapids.

We had no canoe tips, but Jack did tip once when he was riding in the tug boat.

I told Luke that it was o.k. to go Number 1 in the water rather than have to get out, and he said, "Through my swim trunks?" I said, "Yes." He said, "I love these water rules!"

John particularly loved it. It was his first float with his boys, and he was ecstatic that they enjoyed it so much. And what goes good with a hot day and a relaxing float on the river? A cold beer of course. When John informed Jack of this, Jack replied, "Dad, you know everything goes good with a cold beer." To which John cracked up and I cringed.

The nights were wonderful too, with the kids swimming in the river, catching fireflies, playing glow-stick tag, having a home run derby, and playing kick the can.

And our tent was my saving grace.

We borrowed it from my Uncle Kiley, and it was the Taj Mahal of tents. It had three rooms and a screened porch - the perfect place to take off wet and dirty shoes and clothes and to sequester bugs. Even with that much space, I woke up each morning with the boys laying right on top of me. And this from boys who protested when we wouldn't let them sleep alone in their own tent.

And, to ensure that I didn't get too sad about the camping trip being over, this little guy hitchhiked a ride home in some of our gear and surprised me one morning in the bathroom.

Who needs camping with bugs like this in your house?

I Don't Think It's Legally Binding But....

....we have a new contract in our house. It goes something like this:

1. We will love him like crazy.

2. We will always be gentle with him.

3. We will play with him unless he's tired and doesn't want to play. Then we will leave him alone.

4. We will not try to carry him non-stop. We will let his legs do some of the work.

5. We will help with the tasks of feeding him, walking him, and bathing him.

6. We will clean up the yard after him*. (* An age clause has been added here at the request of Jack, and this requirement does not kick in for several years).

7. We will take turns playing with him and will not fight over him.

But how could you not fight over this little guy?








Say Hello to Indiana Chewbacca Stork (Indy for short). Guess who named him. And guess who's now outnumbered four to one. Until he reaches adult-hood, I get control of his vote in our democratic household.

Saturday Laughs

A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and his poorly behaving 3 year-old grandson at every turn.

It's obvious gramps has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda. Meanwhile gramps is working his way around saying in acontrolled voice, 'easy Albert, we won't be long, easy boy'.

Another outburst and she hears gramps calmly say, 'it's OK Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here, hang in there.'

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items from the cart and gramps again in a controlled voice is saying, 'Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset -- we'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert'.

Very impressed the woman goes up to gramps as he's loading the kid and the groceries into the car and says, 'You know sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa'.

'Thanks, lady,' said gramps, 'but I'm Albert -- the little turd's name is Johnny'

Life Lessons Learned Early

Luke: I want to get Ben 10 Alien Force for my Gameboy.

Jack: They won't have that for Gameboy.

Luke: Why?

Jack: Because they aren't making new Gameboy games anymore.

Luke: Why?

Jack: Because they know everyone probably has better systems than that now so they make better games.

Me: They actually stop making the games for Gameboy so you have to buy a new system.

Jack: Well, that's not very nice.

Me: No, but they're a business and that's what some businesses do.

Jack: Those money-grubbing fiends.

Luke: Yeah. Gameboy-making fart-heads.

Well said, boys. Well said.

A Bird-Brained Idea

What is this?



I'm not even going to wait for guesses because I don't believe there's anyway in the world someone who wasn't privy to it's making would guess correctly.

It is a concoction of sugar paste. And why did we make a concoction of sugar paste? Because when you're on vacation in Colorado with my Aunt Patti, you get to do fun things like this:



in an attempt to win the money for making the hummingbird feeder hat from which a hummingbird actually feeds.

And when the dance doesn't work:

and sabotage doesn't work:

you resort to putting sugar paste on your head. But that didn't work either.

Notes for next year: Be sure to put sugarwater and not just water in the hat feeders before sitting on the deck.