I Thought I'd Make Resolutions For Everyone

Driving in the car yesterday, home from the house of my friend Angie (you know her from Keep Believing), I was bored, my eyes growing tired, the uninteresting drive lulling me into a dangerous state of hypnosis.

So I thought it would be entertaining to ask the boys about their New Year's Resolutions. Once I got their attention over the Nintendo games and DVD player, I explained to them that for grown-ups New Year's Resolutions were goals that we set to try to accomplish something we'd been wanting to do but hadn't or try to improve something about ourselves or in our lives.

Jack, still in Nintendo mode, proclaimed, "My resolution is to beat a DS game in less than 16 hours. And I will pick this easy Kirby game."

And Luke, never one to be outdone by his brother, chimed in, "I will learn to drive a car."

"You can't do that for 10 years, Luke. Can you pick something else?"

"I will ride on the hood of a car while it is driving down the highway."

"Ummm, I don't think so. Try again."

"I will ride on the trunk of a car while it is driving down the highway."

"O.K. How's your movie coming along?"

I feel that it is my duty to set resolutions for these boys. And while I'm at it, there are a few others that could use some resolutions as well:

Luke: Since I am beginning to realize that I do really dangerous things and always get hurt, though I think I always get hurt the last time I do something and haven't quite figured out the last time I do it is because I got hurt, I will stop doing the really dangerous thing that I am doing the time before the time I would normally get hurt. Or in other words, I will stop before I get hurt. Better yet, I will stop doing really dangerous things, but who am I kidding? I'm a 5 year old boy.

Jack: I will no longer use the word Sh*t. Even though I didn't realize it is a bad word and was just repeating the woman I idolize. Now that I know it is a bad word and hate to get in trouble or break the rules, I will not say it again. Unless she does.

My mother: I will no longer use the word Sh*t. Even though it was the only curse word that my mom let me use because it was the one curse word she used, and even though it flows from my tongue like water. At the very least, I will no longer say it in front of Jack. And if I do, I will try to whisper it. (I admit, I'm at fault here too so I will add my name to this resolution, but Sh*t it will be hard.)

Indy: I will no longer bark obsessively in other animals faces for 24 hours straight, imploring PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY. I realize they do not enjoy this, especially old cats who simply tolerate my existence to begin with and who could take out my eye with one swipe should they choose to do so.

John: None for you. You've made your own and they are better than any I could have come up with.

There you have it. With the exception of John, I expect we might make it until Midnight.