Friday, October 5, 2007

Glossary of Terms

The people at Merriam-Webster know that new words and terms are created daily in the English language. A lot of these start out as slang, but some spring up from advancement in science or technology or from growing trends. The dictionary is regularly updated to include these new words that are used so often in our vernacular they are deemed appropriate additions to the dictionary. For example , the 2007 copyright version of the best-selling Merriam-Webster's Collegiate® Dictionary, Eleventh Edition - available this fall in bookstores everywhere – added the word ginormous. Are you telling me that this word is used enough that it needs to be added to the dictionary? People can’t just say really big or humongous anymore? I guess we can chalk that up to the age of the super size, where even words about size have to be super sized.

The point I am trying to make here is that new words are created every day. It is important that there is a resource for learning these new words so people can avoid making ginormous mistakes, such as ordering ravioli when you meant to order agnolotti.

I have my own contenders for additions to future revisions of the Merriam-Webster dictionary, some of which are listed here for your reference when reading my blog. Be warned - some of them are gross, but I live in a house full of boys so you should expect that. Here they are in no particular order.

Male-dominated household (MDH) – a household in which the female member(s) is/are outnumbered by the male members. In my household, the ratio is 1 female to 3 males (two females if you count my dog).

Male-dominated household ailments (MDHA) – The illnesses or ailments that a female may suffer from or contract while living in a MDH, or that may manifest in the males living within the MDH. Examples include Selective Hearing and all of its subsets, Questionitis and Wrestlemania.

__enis – The way I have to refer to a certain member of the male anatomy within this blog or be faced with less than stellar advertisements appearing. I don’t think that the blank will outsmart any of them though, so bear with me as I catch them and filter them out.

__agina – The female version of the above.

Down in China – According to my son Luke, the location of the above mentioned female part, as in “Girls have a __agina because it’s down by China.” Thanks to my sister Shannon for teaching him that one. I don’t think it will make the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

Wenis __enis – The cute nickname by which my boys refer to their anatomy. If they’re saying the clinical term anyway, why not just leave it at that? I guess it sounds funnier in a rhyme.

Number 3 – What the boys call it when they have to poop. There is no Number 2, because according to them you always pee when you poop. So, Number 1 plus Number 2 is Number 3. Who knew using the bathroom could incorporate math lessons?

Mercy flush – The habit of flushing in the middle of Number 3 to clear out some of the odor.

Wet farts – I cannot even believe I am typing this. According to my son Jack, this is gas that leaves a stain in your underwear. Please forgive me.

Hate schedule – Apparently, this is the schedule that my son Luke keeps in his head of all the people and things that have made him mad that day. He informed me of this schedule very casually the other day. Out of the blue in the middle of a very pleasant evening, he said, “Hey, mom. I put my whole family on my hate schedule today. Even you and daddy.” It's not a list, it's a schedule, as if he is sitting around planning a calendar on who he is going to hate that day and how much he will hate them and for how long. The lower the score, the better, but it looks like you can never make it off the schedule. My sister, who Luke loves more than anyone, is on the schedule but she is at zero. I am at 132.

Ninja Kitty – Luke’s alter ego, the one he uses when he tricks you by acting all cute and sweet and purring like a kitty, and then sending a Ninja Kick at your body when you try to cuddle with him.

Fermp – This word has broad uses to cover many nonspecific situations. It can be used to fill a silence. It can be used to make someone laugh. It can be used when you are poking someone in the belly. It can be used when you are doing something silly or when you drop something or make a mistake. It can be used as a filler when you don't want to say something bad in front of the kids. Like when you stub your toe and scream out, "Fermp!"

I hope to update this glossary often. If you have any words you would like to include, send them along and I’ll add them to the next update. We'll see if we can get in the next dictionary update.


Anonymous said...

I like the number three concept. We have problems with that around here as Punkin doesn't wish to acknowledge the #1 if he's involved in a #2.

Which is really bad because he likes for me to sit in front of the toilet while he does his business.

Yeah, gross.

And I've always heard it called a courtesy flush, but same concept.

This was a great post!

Loth said...

You have to add in "boytritus" - I can't claim credit for this, it came from Laid-off Dad but I use it now all the time - which is the generalised layer of bits of Lego, unididentified plastic, crumbs, Pokemon cards etc which is generated by all male children. If you look down around your feet at home or in the car, chances are you are looking at boytritus. My boys' bedroom is carpeted in the stuff.