- Check for your cell phone before you get off the plane, not after you’ve left the plane and passed to the other side of security where, even in a dinky airport where the runway is the parking lot, the TSA agents will not let you go back onto the plane to check for your cell phone but will send an agent to look who couldn’t possibly retrace your steps and couldn’t possibly care about finding your phone as much as you do.
- If you have to lose your cell phone, don’t do it on the trip when you will be driving from the Middle-Of-No-Where, North Dakota to the End-Of-No-Where, North Dakota and you will only be passing two pay phones during your two and a half hour drive, neither of which can make collect calls to a 314 area code.
- If you have to lose your cell phone, don’t do it on the site visit that requires you to randomly and unknowingly step into snow drifts in which you sink up to your knees from which the only means of escape is to crawl.
- If you have to lose your cell phone, don’t do it on the site visit that includes a long ago forgotten but soon to be rediscovered water well hidden by snow and the perfect size and depth to swallow up an unsuspecting passerby had she not seen it just in time.
- Try not to think about all the pictures on your cell phone of your children that only a mother should have, like the adorable pictures you took of them playing naked in the sprinkler.
- Try not to think of all the time you saved not entering your password each time you wanted to check your email or voicemail by storing each of those passwords in your phone, and at this very moment could be being used by whoever found your phone to check your email and voicemail.
- Try to forget that an address book that includes the name, address and phone number of you and everyone you know is on that phone.
- Wonder when you became so dependent on technology, as you turn up your iPod; check your Garmin GPS to ensure you are still heading in the right direction to the End-Of-No-Where, North Dakota; and wish you had your cell phone so you could check your messages and email.
Behold, The Unicorn Frappuccino
1 week ago