...My kids keep asking where all the Indians are when we’re driving down the street. I finally realized, once I started paying attention to what I was saying as I was driving, they were looking for the Idiots. As in, “Get out of my way, you Idiot.” Or, “Hang up your phone and drive, you Idiot.” Or, “Look at this Idiot. He shouldn’t even be allowed on the road.”
...Jack, who was two years old at the time, responded to my statement that it was time for bed with, “Oh, Dammit. I didn’t even get to watch a movie.”
...I hear Luke telling his stuffed animals, “I’m sorry. I gave you your choice and you made your decision. It's time out for you.” Is that how I sound? Shudder.
...At Grant’s Farm, Luke runs from the goat eating his shirt saying, “What the hell?”
Behold, The Unicorn Frappuccino
4 days ago