Thursday, January 3, 2008

The Poop Post

I’m sure that you neither want nor need to read a post about poop. But, in my male-dominated household (MDH) poop and toilet practices in general are topics of discussion at least 4 or 5 times a day. I understand if you do not want to read this post, but please don’t stop reading yet. Because you need to know the following bit of information: According to Dr. Anish Sheth and Josh Richman, authors of What's Your Poo Telling You?, poo sometimes can fly up to 6 feet from the toilet and land on your toothbrush if the toothbrush is sitting within that 6 foot mark and the toilet lid is open while flushing.

O.K. Now that you're back from throwing your toothbrush in the trash, you can continue to read if you desire to be grossed out further. My boys have very quirky toilet practices. I don’t know why or how these practices formed, but my efforts to stop them have been futile. Please read without judgment.

Reverse lidism – the boys leave the seat down when peeing, thus dribbling all over it, because they think the seat is gross and they don’t want to touch it. But they lift it when pooping. They like to sit on the cold rim when pooping and lower their butts as much as possible.

Wet wipe method – Luke seems to think that dipping his butt in the water after pooping cleans it. Yeah, I know, it’s gross.

Cutting poop – Luke likes to “cut his poop.” Do you need a description of this? Picture a butt cheek squeeze being used as a poop knife.

Poop doody – I have to take responsibility for this one. This is the punny name that John and I gave to the task of wiping after completion. We rock, paper, scissors for poop doody after Luke has finished cutting his poop.

Mercy flushing – I’m sure you are all familiar with this term, which I defined in the Glossary of Terms.

If that is not enough for you, just come sit near us at any restaurant in which we are dining. The boys always manage to slip in at least one loudly-spoken comment about pooping, wet farts, or the like during our meal.


Unknown said...

I must say those are ones I have not heard before. I thought my boys had some good ones but your boys take the cake!!

Thanks for the laugh and now I am off to the store because I need a new toothbrush!!


Kellan said...

Yes - this is one reason I have mostly girls - not so much talk about poop going on in our house. You know, girls have an aversion to talking about such things. But, I do have that little boy and his father - so I do hear it way more than I want too. Funny post - take care and see you later. Kellan

Nicole Brady said...

As gross as the post is, it's hilarious. Thanks.

As for the toothbrush, I recently joined a BzzAgent campaign for the Sonicare UV Sanitizer so you can clean your toothbrush (because of all that gunk in the air). What I found funny is that when I would tell people about the Sonicare product, more than a few told me they threw their manual toothbrushes in the dishwasher regularly! Wish I had thought of that!

Thanks again for the laugh!

Unknown said...

Somehow every time my hubby and his sister get together, talk turns to poop, and they're 38 and 35 respectively.

Mythbusters did a show involving the fecal bacteria on toothbrushes and their proximity to the toilet. Turns out it doesn't matter how far away your toothbrush is from the toilet, even if it stays in the kitchen, it will get fecal bacteria on it.

Unknown said...

Sorry if that grossed EVERYONE out...

Loth said...

The sad thing is, if you told the boys about the poop/toothbrush thing, it wouldn't bother them. And please tell me that I am not the only mother who watches in disbelief as her son uses an entire roll of paper to wipe up afterwards? My family may be entirely responsible for the loss of a large chunk of forest!

Anonymous said...

Yup. I feel your pain on this. More poop talk here than I care to acknowledge. Andrea, thanks for the update on the Mythbusters episode; I saw the beginning of it and it was deleted off TiVo before I got to see the end. I must say I'm disgusted. Bleh. But, yes, we chat about poop quite a bit around here...though it is for reasons other than mere amusement! LOL

Unknown said...

Oh my! Loving this! We have lots of potty humor in our house, my hubby is the youngest of 4 boys, so it doesn't get any better when they grow up!

Anonymous said...

Behind every successful man there is a surprised mother-in-law


Anonymous said...

Dipping your butt in the water to clean up after pooping? Now that's genius that only a man could come up with! Efficient, convenient, minimal movement. Makes me so gosh darn proud to have a Y chromosome.

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