Friday, February 8, 2008

Beware the Library Police

Jack is working on a science project and we went to the library to checkout some books. My library card had expired in 2006. Really? Had it been that long since we had been to the library? That didn’t seem possible. The library is great! The library is fun!

It seemed possible to the boys, as they proclaimed, “We’ve never been to a real library before.” I felt obligated to explain to the astonished onlookers that my boys had head injuries and had no bloody idea what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks they were talking about.

Before I could even say Newbery Medal Winner , my reasons for not visiting the library since 2006 came crashing back to me. Literally. My two boys’ happiness at finally being taken to a real library by their mean, ogre of a mother converted to excitement which converted to boy testosterone which converted to a Mack truck on steroids. We promptly broke every library rule, and inspired the Library Police to add some new rules to the list.

No yelling – check
No running – check
No wrestling – check
No playing chase or tag – check
No crashing into the other library patrons – check
No playing tug of war with the books – check
No pulling every book about dinosaurs from the shelves and putting them in a secret place so no one else can ever find them - check
No crawling across the floor and roaring like a tiger – check
No coming back after we threw you out last time - check
No coming back after we throw you out this time - we'll see about that

Well, we got our books for the science project, but I don’t know that I would call it a successful trip to the library. I think from now on I’ll stick to, which was invented for mothers like me who can’t control their children in public places.


Unknown said...

You just reminded me why I never go to the library.
Nothing like all the perfect moms with perfect kids staring at you in judgement. My favorite is the eye roll which really means "Why can't you keep control of your kids? See the example of my beautiful child in clothes with no stains, hair done like they have been to the salon and sitting nicley reading an age appropriate book."
Thanks for the reminder!!


Lowa said...

I seldom go either. I just run in and out when I am picking up the books that I put on hold from the comfort of my own home.

Try it! It is FANTASTIC! Just go to your library on line, puruse through the list of what you want by title, author, whatever. Put in your library card #, follow the directions and BLAM! You will be HOOKED! It is awesome, truly. We use it ALL THE TIME.

I have three boys as well, so I feel your pain as well as know the true joy that they bring you:)

Kellan said...

What a funny post and I could just see those library police slapping some rules on my bunch as well - we are not equipped to handle the library either. Have a great weekend - see you soon. Kellan

Susan said...

Thank God. I can tell my hubby our children are normal.

Kat said...

Hehe. As a mom of 3 boys I know this trip to the library very well.
Fun post!

Jennifer @ Fruit of My Hands said...

I could swear our librarian is a secret member of the Nazi party.

Kathy said...

Hehe, I haven't been to the library in forever either, we just look stuff up online! I took the kids once to a library with a children's section and left my kids together (they were 10 and 4 and I wasn't far away), they actually weren't being bad, but I was informed the 10-year-old could not watch the 4-year-old! I didn't get far with the paper I was writing. Thankfully, I got my computer back shortly after!!

3boys247 said...

Luckily our library is just a 3/4 mile walk away. If I walk the three boys up the hill to the library, they are USUALLY too tired to beat each other up in the children's section. I am sure the library police just cringe when they see us coming.

Damama T said...

I AM SO GLAD to meet another mom of boys who has been thrown out of a library! LOL!! And for many of the same reasons.

The librarian was a little amused at having to give us the *look*. She was mildly annoyed when she had to add a stern head shake to the look. She was not pleased when she had to shush us several times. She was a little more than peeved when she actually had to walk over and speak to us. But the final straw came when Twig decided he needed to reach a book on the top of a very neatly arranged display. On top of a shelf that was about 4' tall (he was only 3' tall).

Being the creative little snot that he was, he figured building a book ladder would be infinitely more fun than just standing on a chair or, heaven forbid, asking for help!! He learned three valuable lessons that day: 1. Books shift when you stack them up and try to climb them. 2. Gravity works. 3. Librarians have NO sense of humor when it comes to destroying their carefully crafted displays. And knocking over the small bookcase holding said display. Into a table where children's craft projects are displayed. Causing several of said crafts to slid off onto the floor. And break.

Unfortunately that was back in the days before the Internet. We had to find alternate ways of getting information since I was relatively positive that she'd put out warning notices with our pictures on them to all libraries within a 10 mile radius.

Ahhh, the joys of boy motherhood. People raising only girls have NO idea. LOL!!