Saturday, February 9, 2008

Saturday Laughs

A man has taken the time to come up with a list of rules to counter all of the women's lists of rules floating around out there. Since I live in a male-dominated household (MDH), I thought it only fair to give the men, at least from the perspective of the man who wrote this list, their forum.

The Man Rules

Here are the rules from the male side. Please note these are all numbered "1 " on purpose!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


Kathy said...

I've seen this before, but it never gets old, I think it's funny! I've actually had guys tell me what they prefer I wear though so I guess they don't all apply all the time! LOL

Damama T said...

OH MY STARS! I think I'm part man! LOL!! I can totally relate to numbers 1 and 1 and 1, oh and #1 is soooo me! LOL!

Actually I'm a huge toilet seat activist. I'm with the guys on it all the way. We women fought for equal rights. Equal pay for equal work. The right to vote. The right to dress, talk, live like we want to. YET WE CAN'T REMEMBER TO CHECK THE TOILET SEAT BEFORE WE SIT DOWN?? AACK!! LOL!!

And that don't ask me if you don't really want my opinion thing has gotten me in trouble with lots of friends.

And I could go on, but then I'd be hijacking your comments again! LOL!

Thanks for posting this. I'm going to have to pass it on to Hubby. He'll get a kick. xoxoxo