My Guilt-Inducers Resolutions

I wrote "2008" for the first time today. It seems like only yesterday we were a nation scrambling to address Y2K. For many, with a new year comes a kick-off point for trying to improve on one's self. The New Year is a good time for that. It’s a fresh start, a renewal, and a solid time-line from which to measure progress.

I have never been much for resolutions. To me, resolutions were just one more thing for me to feel guilty about. When I have made resolutions in the past, they were broken before the last box of Christmas decorations made it back into the attic. Who needs it?

For some reason, this year I feel a need to set resolutions. There are a lot of things I want to accomplish this year, and setting resolutions might be the motivation I need. I read that if you set small, very achievable and maintainable resolutions you are more likely to stick with them and keep upping the ante as the year progresses. I also read that sharing your resolutions makes you more likely to stick with them. So, with those two tactics in mind, I am sharing my New Year’s Resolutions:

For each new gray hair I see, eat two pieces of chocolate.

Every time the boys do something that makes me hold my breath and swallow my tongue out of fear, have two shots of tequila.

Other than the above, which I totally deserve, improve my family’s eating habits. Absolutely no potato chips for breakfast and no candy before 10:00 am.

For every hour of sports I watch on television, spend one hour in peaceful solitude reading a good book.

Incorporate more exercise into my routine. When the boys get up before 7:00 am, make them run on the treadmill.

Expose the boys to more culture with the intent of expanding their minds and taming the wild beast within. I think I’ll start with the Broadway production of Mamma Mia! at the Fabulous Fox theater. Of course, this could have the opposite affect and send the boys screaming to the first testosterone-laced event they can find.

Attempt not to scream and cower each time I spot a spider in the house. These actions are making my boys afraid of spiders and refusing to go to sleep in their rooms if a spider was spotted anywhere near their bedroom doors.

And last but not least, beat Nicktoons Unite on PlayStation 2.

That’s quite a hefty load, and I don’t expect that I’ll be able to accomplish all of these things. I think I’ll focus on the first one, and work my way from there.