The Poop Post

I’m sure that you neither want nor need to read a post about poop. But, in my male-dominated household (MDH) poop and toilet practices in general are topics of discussion at least 4 or 5 times a day. I understand if you do not want to read this post, but please don’t stop reading yet. Because you need to know the following bit of information: According to Dr. Anish Sheth and Josh Richman, authors of What's Your Poo Telling You?, poo sometimes can fly up to 6 feet from the toilet and land on your toothbrush if the toothbrush is sitting within that 6 foot mark and the toilet lid is open while flushing.

O.K. Now that you're back from throwing your toothbrush in the trash, you can continue to read if you desire to be grossed out further. My boys have very quirky toilet practices. I don’t know why or how these practices formed, but my efforts to stop them have been futile. Please read without judgment.

Reverse lidism – the boys leave the seat down when peeing, thus dribbling all over it, because they think the seat is gross and they don’t want to touch it. But they lift it when pooping. They like to sit on the cold rim when pooping and lower their butts as much as possible.

Wet wipe method – Luke seems to think that dipping his butt in the water after pooping cleans it. Yeah, I know, it’s gross.

Cutting poop – Luke likes to “cut his poop.” Do you need a description of this? Picture a butt cheek squeeze being used as a poop knife.

Poop doody – I have to take responsibility for this one. This is the punny name that John and I gave to the task of wiping after completion. We rock, paper, scissors for poop doody after Luke has finished cutting his poop.

Mercy flushing – I’m sure you are all familiar with this term, which I defined in the Glossary of Terms.

If that is not enough for you, just come sit near us at any restaurant in which we are dining. The boys always manage to slip in at least one loudly-spoken comment about pooping, wet farts, or the like during our meal.